I don't mean to be condescending. It could be a masterpiece, couldn't it? What do you say, Peter Bradshaw ?
Madonna's script is a nightmare of crass and fatuous stereotypes: south Asians, Jews, gays - no one escapes her lack of insight or common sense. Despite living in Britain for many years, she has only the sketchiest notion of what the place is like. Her film reaches a Zen state of pure offensive awfulness when the lap-dancer's mentor comes round with a gigantic wad of £20 notes. This was her "tips from last night". Her "tips"? From "last night"?
Hmm. Maybe not, then.
But my absolute favourite part of the Guardian article is this extract from Madonna's programme notes. "I have always been inspired by the films of Goddard [sic], Visconti, Passolini [sic] and Fellini and hope that I may one day make something that comes close to their genius." Right. Good luck with that, then. And maybe the next time you namedrop some Greats, spell their names correctly*.
I'm not ragging on Madonna. But this is great.
*I know the typos are probably nothing to do with Madonna herself (though I wish they were), but it's still hilarious.